Had our first Leo Club meeting today. Having taken over the position of club president after Ananda's graduation, I decided that this year, we really were going to accomplish things. Ananda, Daf, and I had started the club to save the world, in our own little way, and it was about time the junior high Leo club stopped kicking our butts, volunteering-wise.

I got to the meeting, and found myself staring at one new member: Jen, the little sister of existing-member Jamie. The rest today? Melly, Bunny, Chris, and the aforementioned Jamie. Trina had skipped out for another club's meeting, Daf was at the dentist, and most of our prospective newbies were at the choral council meeting.

...Ten minutes later, I got the Hooligans' attention (that term encompasses everyone in the club except Daf, Jen, and me--though Jen will officially earn the title herself before many more meetings elapse, I feel) and asked my big question.

"I need to ask, guys--it'll help us know what we want to do, and how we can help."

I began the question a few times, to be cut off by various hooligans talking to each other (of particular interest, apparently, was one of Chris's senior pictures where his expression was reportedly rather come-hither; I looked at it myself and didn't really think so, but...). Finally I got all the way through it.

"Just...who did you want to help? What did you want to accomplish? ...Why are each of you here?"

There was a second of silence. Then, hesitatingly, inevitably...Melly replied, deadly serious.

"I needed something for my college application."

There was another moment of silence.

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Melly on that one," Bunny said.

...And all of them went round the table and said the exact same thing.

"Oh, yeah, and hang out," somebody tacked on at the end.

"I mean, it's not like we don't want to do anything," Bunny began, "just..."

Jamie addressed her other hooligans. "Well, it seems like you guys just want to sit around eating Hershey kisses and do this much [here she held her thumb and forefinger slightly apart]..."

I didn't hear any dissent.

I buried my head in my hands.

"Aw, poor Laurel..." Melly said, sounding sort of sympathetic. "We're..." --something admonishing to the rest of the group about how they were all disillusioning me or something.

"I wanted to save the world!" I moaned. "You know, there're all these problems, and what can we do about them, how can we help solve them?"

"We can't," said Bunny, deadly serious. We stared at her. "Well, you can't! ...I mean, you can do a little thing, but..."

"Bunny, showing the wonderful Leo Club spirit!" commented Melly sarcastically. ...And I lost them to chatter.

Some five or ten minutes later, Secretary/Hooligan Melly had complied with my wishes (beggings?) and had at least had the group think of some groups we could help--they like working with kids. ...Cute little kids. They showed interest in children's hospitals. They didn't show interest in kids that weren't cute, like, say, impoverished inner-city kids...but then, I didn't really ask. Nor were they instantly enthusiastic about any non-kid group...except animals. Jen, fresh out of the junior high Leo Club and therefore frighteningly businesslike, talked us into trying the animal-shelter drive again, or something like it (oh, noooo....); we finally agreed to make Valentine's Day cards for senior citizens come February. We will help with the PTO picnic at the elementary, which is commonplace; we will march in parades, which is all the fun and no real work--and they know it, and are glad. No getting dirty, no seeing pain, no feeling pain ourselves. Forget about saving the world; let's put icing on what's already cake.

"...Every day the dreamers die..."

At 2:45, we had to adjourn; our advisor had an appointment. Everyone went home, except me (my mom wasn't coming until 3:30 to pick me up for my dentist appointment)--I got online in the computer lab and attempted to post here, except it timed out on me. Then I wandered around, lamenting the fact that, once again, reality is the ending-point of all my dreams.

...I missed Ananda. Just me, and five hooligans...Daf doesn't know if she wants to do it, and I'm not sure I blame her (she's so busy). It was like the world against me.

...The societal me-first thing, needing something in it for you before giving of yourself...isn't that what the four of us--Daf, Ananda, Zinni, and I--started this stuff to change, or at least to avoid?

We wanted to save society. We started a club for it. The club is populated by children who need college-application sparkle.

God help us all.

-Laurel