Finally hooked up my desktop computer, here on about my tenth day at the new residence (people who aren't Albert: will provide address as soon as I can get my act together). I've been playing Beatles music while I clean parts of my room (it won't really be clean until I get my bookshelves out of Syracuse and figure out my storage situation a little better)...well, and blog.
But I've also cleaned in a more exciting way: among the things I've dragged off my computer's desktop are - ::brief dramatic pause:: - the various files and folders related to my job search. Threw the files into the job-search folders, then threw the job-search folders into my catch-all "Etc." folder.
After spending so many months since the end of last February looking for a New England job (it wasn't exactly an eleven-month search, because I didn't apply to jobs during all of those months), it's a little weird to have actually succeeded.
Meanwhile - computer, recycling bin, a shortcut to iTunes, two folders (designed for varying degrees of miscellany), a shortcut to Google Chrome, and a notepad file: a seven-icon desktop is pretty satisfying.
1.28.2013
1.25.2013
Friday Night
The first week of my new job is over. Today was a little more stressful and draining than I expected, and I've spent a lot of time alone in the lab, and I feel quiet.
It really is a comfort to have inherited Megan's memory-foam mattress pad (her parents apparently bought her a bigger one to match the double bed they wanted to give her, which had probably been around the house or something), and it's really nice that the house is warm even though outside it's very cold. Those two things make bedtime so much better.
I'd like to get up early enough tomorrow to have the house - really, almost the world, the way it sometimes feels - to myself for a while - to start some laundry, fry myself an egg and bacon and lay it on a toasted English muffin with a slice of Swiss, and maybe have it with hot chocolate if I'm in the mood. I'd like to not talk at all aloud, and not even much to myself. Food, 1 Samuel, winter morning. And then I'd like to go somewhere public - run an errand, maybe - but still feel all that quiet internally.
All of this, of course, is unlikely. I'm behind enough on sleep that I'll probably try to catch up, even at the cost of solitude. Plus, Megan gets up fairly early. Plus, even if she didn't, privacy and quiet would still be unlikely because of Stella, Megan's vocal and shin-rubbing cat.
Still, I'm glad it's the weekend, and though I'm also very glad for the job, and it's a fairly enviable one (although, envy being sinful, I hope you don't), still I'm glad when the days there end.
It really is a comfort to have inherited Megan's memory-foam mattress pad (her parents apparently bought her a bigger one to match the double bed they wanted to give her, which had probably been around the house or something), and it's really nice that the house is warm even though outside it's very cold. Those two things make bedtime so much better.
I'd like to get up early enough tomorrow to have the house - really, almost the world, the way it sometimes feels - to myself for a while - to start some laundry, fry myself an egg and bacon and lay it on a toasted English muffin with a slice of Swiss, and maybe have it with hot chocolate if I'm in the mood. I'd like to not talk at all aloud, and not even much to myself. Food, 1 Samuel, winter morning. And then I'd like to go somewhere public - run an errand, maybe - but still feel all that quiet internally.
All of this, of course, is unlikely. I'm behind enough on sleep that I'll probably try to catch up, even at the cost of solitude. Plus, Megan gets up fairly early. Plus, even if she didn't, privacy and quiet would still be unlikely because of Stella, Megan's vocal and shin-rubbing cat.
Still, I'm glad it's the weekend, and though I'm also very glad for the job, and it's a fairly enviable one (although, envy being sinful, I hope you don't), still I'm glad when the days there end.
1.17.2013
Quickly, Before I Go Back to Moving
This! (By which I mean, the link that should be visible when you hover over that word, if right now there appears to be none there. Hard to know how things'll show up sometimes.) You should read it. None of my readers are stay-at-home moms, and of course neither am I, but the reminder of the hidden difficulties of twenty-first-century life is valuable for all kinds of people. And, for Christians, probably we should take some of this post as a warning about some of the false messages we may sometimes be reinforcing - both to the secular world and to each other - about what suffering and gratefulness are.
Backstory for those who haven't heard: Jen, the author of this post, is a former atheist who converted to Catholicism back in 2007; her blog is about a lot of things, but the majority of posts set forth things she's learned or learning about the Christian life. Right now she's expecting, and though, as with the previous pregnancies, she's been on medication to stave off problems from a clotting disorder, this time the medicine appears not to have kept the clots away. She was hospitalized earlier this month, and though she's now home, it's going to be a long recovery. But the two long posts she's written since coming home (the other is here) have been, I'd say, especially good.
I'm grateful that God has used her illness in the way He has.
Backstory for those who haven't heard: Jen, the author of this post, is a former atheist who converted to Catholicism back in 2007; her blog is about a lot of things, but the majority of posts set forth things she's learned or learning about the Christian life. Right now she's expecting, and though, as with the previous pregnancies, she's been on medication to stave off problems from a clotting disorder, this time the medicine appears not to have kept the clots away. She was hospitalized earlier this month, and though she's now home, it's going to be a long recovery. But the two long posts she's written since coming home (the other is here) have been, I'd say, especially good.
I'm grateful that God has used her illness in the way He has.
1.08.2013
This Good Endeavor
I got the job - and, more amazing to me still, I was the panel's first choice. It will give me both a living and, I hope, a vocation. A difficult job, to be sure, and a busy one. But a place to be, and financial independence for just about the very first time.
It's not what I expected. As I've mentioned, I thought I was done in academia. Working in property management was difficult, too, but it definitely had its advantages. It was more like a job and less like, I don't know, a deformed version of parenting, or something. The days, at their best, went relatively quickly, but were fairly rewarding; at the end of the day, my time until bed was my own. No lesson-planning. No dragging myself through grading. No undercurrents of guilt and dread in my supposedly-free time. No waking up early on Monday mornings to make up for the gap between misspent Saturdays and sabbath Sundays.
But before my last semester at Broome, when I was wondering whether to teach at all, I was pulled back from the brink of resignation by making a list of things that, as at least one smart Christian has said, make me deeply glad, trying to find the place where "[my] deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I don't remember much of what was on the list; it probably included the kinds of things that would be on mine today. Truth. Knowledge. Making people feel at home. But I saw that teaching was the best intersection I could think of between what I wanted and what the world needed.
Still, I was glad when cut hours and the resulting need for other work gave me a break from it. I didn't miss Broome, and I was relatively good at my other job. I did, as time went on, sort of miss the act of teaching, but it seemed as though one didn't necessarily need to be a teacher in order to teach. There must be, I figured, some other way.
For whatever reason, though, here I am again - and yet not. There still will be some teaching, and plenty of things to make me nervous...and probably plenty of "homework" within my new job, to my dread. But not in the same way as before. Better this time - a class to teach that, oddly, more directly aligns with my goals than the kind of course I actually studied to learn to teach (though I think I have more of a heart for intro-comp than many English instructors, and honestly, somebody needs to); still some work in writing, where hopefully I can geek out a little about things I love so much; plus a lot of the non-teaching college work I've most wanted to get involved with: retention. Making people feel at home. Helping them to find their place in a college community, a topic that's fascinated me since my own vivid, emotional, lonely, anxious, exhilarating freshman year.
I'm trying to not hope for too much too soon. Hard work comes first, and at a point in my life when I'm trying to do a lot of other important things at the same time; if I get through these first months without basically melting down once a week (I will try-to-try to do better than that), it will indeed be from God. And I'm reading Tim Keller's new book, Every Good Endeavor, trying to formulate a good Christian understanding of work - which seems almost amusingly, at times, like his and his wife's book on a good Christian understanding (and execution) of marriage, which, for all its great framework and insightful advice (seriously, I think almost every Christian should read it), also makes abundantly clear that a lot of hard work and frustration are inevitably and very much involved (thank you, sinful nature...except for that part about thanking you).
But it was Greg Jao, in his 2011 address to InterVarsity staff (please listen to it if you've got the forty minutes), whose talk led me to make that list of things that made me deeply glad. He said so many things about his vocation, and about being a Christian serving students on a college campus, that I have been drawn to ever since; tipped off to its existence by Carrie, I downloaded the mp3 of it, and I listened to it over and over, over the resulting two years. I can't help being excited about this job. Though I cannot proclaim the gospel in words in my official capacity, there are so many ways that God can use me to bring His kingdom into my new places. I am scared, but joyful and hopeful, to have that world, Greg Jao's world, Carrie's world, the grand and dangerous and heartbreaking and beautiful stage of the college world, as my vocational home again.
Thank you for praying; please, if you see fit to do so, continue it. I will need all the support, and all the help in turning to God, that I can get.
The university is the site of our deepest joy and where we as a movement...sense the world's deepest hunger. This isn't the future I planned for myself - but it's the only one I can imagine worth pursuing. It's my call, and it's our call, to proclaim in word and deed on the university campus [paraphrasing Abraham Kuyper], "This is Christ's, and this belongs to Him." Amen.
-Greg Jao, opening address, InterVarsity-USA Staff Conference 2011
It's not what I expected. As I've mentioned, I thought I was done in academia. Working in property management was difficult, too, but it definitely had its advantages. It was more like a job and less like, I don't know, a deformed version of parenting, or something. The days, at their best, went relatively quickly, but were fairly rewarding; at the end of the day, my time until bed was my own. No lesson-planning. No dragging myself through grading. No undercurrents of guilt and dread in my supposedly-free time. No waking up early on Monday mornings to make up for the gap between misspent Saturdays and sabbath Sundays.
But before my last semester at Broome, when I was wondering whether to teach at all, I was pulled back from the brink of resignation by making a list of things that, as at least one smart Christian has said, make me deeply glad, trying to find the place where "[my] deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." I don't remember much of what was on the list; it probably included the kinds of things that would be on mine today. Truth. Knowledge. Making people feel at home. But I saw that teaching was the best intersection I could think of between what I wanted and what the world needed.
Still, I was glad when cut hours and the resulting need for other work gave me a break from it. I didn't miss Broome, and I was relatively good at my other job. I did, as time went on, sort of miss the act of teaching, but it seemed as though one didn't necessarily need to be a teacher in order to teach. There must be, I figured, some other way.
For whatever reason, though, here I am again - and yet not. There still will be some teaching, and plenty of things to make me nervous...and probably plenty of "homework" within my new job, to my dread. But not in the same way as before. Better this time - a class to teach that, oddly, more directly aligns with my goals than the kind of course I actually studied to learn to teach (though I think I have more of a heart for intro-comp than many English instructors, and honestly, somebody needs to); still some work in writing, where hopefully I can geek out a little about things I love so much; plus a lot of the non-teaching college work I've most wanted to get involved with: retention. Making people feel at home. Helping them to find their place in a college community, a topic that's fascinated me since my own vivid, emotional, lonely, anxious, exhilarating freshman year.
I'm trying to not hope for too much too soon. Hard work comes first, and at a point in my life when I'm trying to do a lot of other important things at the same time; if I get through these first months without basically melting down once a week (I will try-to-try to do better than that), it will indeed be from God. And I'm reading Tim Keller's new book, Every Good Endeavor, trying to formulate a good Christian understanding of work - which seems almost amusingly, at times, like his and his wife's book on a good Christian understanding (and execution) of marriage, which, for all its great framework and insightful advice (seriously, I think almost every Christian should read it), also makes abundantly clear that a lot of hard work and frustration are inevitably and very much involved (thank you, sinful nature...except for that part about thanking you).
But it was Greg Jao, in his 2011 address to InterVarsity staff (please listen to it if you've got the forty minutes), whose talk led me to make that list of things that made me deeply glad. He said so many things about his vocation, and about being a Christian serving students on a college campus, that I have been drawn to ever since; tipped off to its existence by Carrie, I downloaded the mp3 of it, and I listened to it over and over, over the resulting two years. I can't help being excited about this job. Though I cannot proclaim the gospel in words in my official capacity, there are so many ways that God can use me to bring His kingdom into my new places. I am scared, but joyful and hopeful, to have that world, Greg Jao's world, Carrie's world, the grand and dangerous and heartbreaking and beautiful stage of the college world, as my vocational home again.
Thank you for praying; please, if you see fit to do so, continue it. I will need all the support, and all the help in turning to God, that I can get.
The university is the site of our deepest joy and where we as a movement...sense the world's deepest hunger. This isn't the future I planned for myself - but it's the only one I can imagine worth pursuing. It's my call, and it's our call, to proclaim in word and deed on the university campus [paraphrasing Abraham Kuyper], "This is Christ's, and this belongs to Him." Amen.
-Greg Jao, opening address, InterVarsity-USA Staff Conference 2011
1.01.2013
Night Before
Tomorrow I interview - the final interview; I'm one of only three remaining candidates - for a full-time position at a community college within range of where Albert lives.
When I applied to the job initially, it sounded good, but by the time I actually scored a real live interview, I wasn't sure that it was really what I wanted. What I wanted was what such a job would give me - a permanent position and the income to establish myself here. The job itself seemed like it might be, above all, emotionally draining - back to a lot of things that used to stress and wear me out, and back to students who often either aren't interested in the subject or have big obstacles to their learning. But having done some research about the school, it seems to have structures that are so.much.better than the ones I've experienced before. I know that all material that a school writes to advertise itself is usually only one side of the story, but it seems as though they're really trying, at least, to help their students succeed. They're a community college that seems to act quite a bit like a four-year school.
And the job I'd have would be a lot of a little things - a fair amount of teaching, but less grading than I used to do; some tutoring and training other tutors; some choosing of writing-lab materials; some academic advising. Other things, too. I like that idea.
Long story short, I think by now I also want the job for the sake of the job. I think it'd be a better place to work than the last community college at which I've worked, and in some ways it could be really nice to be back in education again.
My interview is tomorrow (Wednesday the 2nd) at 2 PM. Should you happen to read this in time, would you pray for me? It may be that, against my hopes, this is the wrong job for me, so you needn't even pray that I actually get the position. But please pray that I represent myself truthfully and well, and that that might somehow please the vice-president before whom I'll be interviewing. Even if he ends up going for someone else, I'd like to have interviewed well - though not all for good reasons; a lot of that, of course, would be sheer vanity! Still, I appreciate any supplicative assistance you may be moved to offer.
And I hope you have a happy New Year!
When I applied to the job initially, it sounded good, but by the time I actually scored a real live interview, I wasn't sure that it was really what I wanted. What I wanted was what such a job would give me - a permanent position and the income to establish myself here. The job itself seemed like it might be, above all, emotionally draining - back to a lot of things that used to stress and wear me out, and back to students who often either aren't interested in the subject or have big obstacles to their learning. But having done some research about the school, it seems to have structures that are so.much.better than the ones I've experienced before. I know that all material that a school writes to advertise itself is usually only one side of the story, but it seems as though they're really trying, at least, to help their students succeed. They're a community college that seems to act quite a bit like a four-year school.
And the job I'd have would be a lot of a little things - a fair amount of teaching, but less grading than I used to do; some tutoring and training other tutors; some choosing of writing-lab materials; some academic advising. Other things, too. I like that idea.
Long story short, I think by now I also want the job for the sake of the job. I think it'd be a better place to work than the last community college at which I've worked, and in some ways it could be really nice to be back in education again.
My interview is tomorrow (Wednesday the 2nd) at 2 PM. Should you happen to read this in time, would you pray for me? It may be that, against my hopes, this is the wrong job for me, so you needn't even pray that I actually get the position. But please pray that I represent myself truthfully and well, and that that might somehow please the vice-president before whom I'll be interviewing. Even if he ends up going for someone else, I'd like to have interviewed well - though not all for good reasons; a lot of that, of course, would be sheer vanity! Still, I appreciate any supplicative assistance you may be moved to offer.
And I hope you have a happy New Year!