A spectacular day.
This morning was my monologue for acting. I was the last one--didn't think I'd have time--but it came off really really well. Even Becky said "nice work", which felt wonderful. But the coolest thing: you know how you picture yourself making some cool move when you're about to screw up, and saving yourself entirely, and how in the real world that never happens?
...It did. My hat fell off in the middle of my monologue, I caught it behind my back on the way down, and I managed to find a part to put it back on, and everyone said it looked really natural. Like, it was a small thing, but it worked for me, and I felt all cool.
...And you couldn't tell I screwed up one line, either. Not much.
Had a nice free Thursday, 'cause acting's my only class then; went with Abby to buy Kool-Aid in packets (she wanted them for an art project) and we checked every convenience store from here to the big town, and ended up going to Wegmans in the end. Came back and hung round, then went to choir. That was cool, too. Had a nice dinner...
...went to a housing meeting downstairs...
...went to the DDR tournament. Which wasn't a tournament for most of it, but free play. So I re-acclimated to cheap dance pads--::laughs:: I'm such a spoiled DDR brat--and got to know some of the members of the anime and gaming clubs, since they were putting on the night. There's this girl who's crazy good, her name is Zar, she and I did some talking.
She came in second place in the heavy tournament, and it was way close, though I think Julian did deserve the win he got. I, meanwhile...
...won the standard. ::big grin::
This is only partially impressive, really: there were only four or five of us in that bracket. But the song levels were pretty hard (6s and 8s), and I was the only one who managed to pass all three songs, though mostly I was hanging on for dear life (D, C, D). I think I picked the right category after all: standard wasn't too easy, and I would've been hopelessly out of my league in the heavy. We played Max1 version, I think, on PS2 (and either the levels are easier there than Bemanistyle, or I'm better than I thought). On roulette, mostly, to make it more fair. The championship songs were picked by the moderators. My winning one was Paranoia Evolution, I think 8 feet. I actually had an easier time with that, I think, than Gentle Stress 8 feet, which I'd never played on any level, or at least not for a long long time. I got D on both. I think my C was on a six, but I can't remember what on earth it was. Maybe Era.
Anyway, eventually I came back here to my room...and Glenn was on. And we talked for a long time. And it was lovely.
So my day...could I have asked for a better?
-Laurel
2.26.2004
2.24.2004
Also...
this is my way to live
What about yours?
made by rav-chan
Finally got it together last night and memorized my monologue for acting class and practiced looking like a bedraggled twelve-year-old (that's my character, as I think I've mentioned). It's coming along. A little more tonight, I hope.
Tonight Lily and John and I're going to Wegmans crazy late to buy stuff, 'cause that's the only time we're all free, like 11. So much, once more, for sleep at a reasonable hour. We won't even be back 'til like one.
I'm like a week behind in acting journals, too, so doing some of those wouldn't kill me, either.
That journal, incidentally, is where all my depth has gone these weeks, so if this blog is rather dry, that's why. Sorry.
And that's all I have to say about that.
-Laurel
2.21.2004
Well, in one way it fits...
French Guard
I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous
accent, you silly king-a?!
What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
...oh, and last night I saw Vanessa's play. Hurrah for Sara and Megan, who finally got the large roles they have long deserved, and here's wishing Chris and Mandie had more lines. I had to laugh at John, who looked like Happy out of Death of a Salesman (Dustin Hoffman movie version), what with the rugby sweater and the hair.
And I learned a new sport last night, so I am achy in the shoulders today. Like something out of Teen Girl Squad: Racquetball'd! "Ow, my muscle groups!"
-Laurel
2.20.2004
1:24 AM, no homework done, tired, and hungry. Whee.
Yeah, the updates, they haven't been happening. Mostly because I've been catching up on my acting journals instead. Am still three-and-a-half days behind.
I need to finish those, work on my monologue, do all the character analysis connected therewith (oh ruddy gracious), see Vanessa's play twice for the class and do more character analysis for that. And that's just my work for acting.
Then for Am-Lit I've got 20 pages' worth of Benjamin Franklin to read, and for linguistics, there was something about a test tomorrow--oh, right, that one I haven't studied for and is in about 12 hours and 50 minutes.
And I'm selling rice krispie treats for APO before the movie tomorrow, and I promised Tim I'd play him at racquetball, even though I'm awful at it, a-a-a-and I have an interview on Saturday about being an orientation guide next year, and I feel very much like I'm about to crash and burn.
And I miss Glenn, though he has been wonderful about sending me messages and calling.
But on Wednesday the DDR pads came, and that's been fun. And last night Lily and I made apple dumplings, which were both fun and delicious.
Time to get offline.
-Laurel
I need to finish those, work on my monologue, do all the character analysis connected therewith (oh ruddy gracious), see Vanessa's play twice for the class and do more character analysis for that. And that's just my work for acting.
Then for Am-Lit I've got 20 pages' worth of Benjamin Franklin to read, and for linguistics, there was something about a test tomorrow--oh, right, that one I haven't studied for and is in about 12 hours and 50 minutes.
And I'm selling rice krispie treats for APO before the movie tomorrow, and I promised Tim I'd play him at racquetball, even though I'm awful at it, a-a-a-and I have an interview on Saturday about being an orientation guide next year, and I feel very much like I'm about to crash and burn.
And I miss Glenn, though he has been wonderful about sending me messages and calling.
But on Wednesday the DDR pads came, and that's been fun. And last night Lily and I made apple dumplings, which were both fun and delicious.
Time to get offline.
-Laurel
2.14.2004
Smiled Upon
Just before midnight last night, before it became Valentine's Day, Glenn's AIM started working properly for the first time since about early December. Three hours we talked, and not a kick-off on either side. He doesn't know how it happened. Neither do I, but oh, I'll take it, will I ever take it.
What is it with holidays equaling marathon conversations? Last time we had a conversation that long while I was here at school, it was Halloween night; the last three-hour one at all was at Lily's house, just after Christmas, when he was in Troy and the computer there was working; I also recall a New Year's Eve day one, a little shorter...not to mention the long one we had my first night here...
'Course, it started getting serious between us the day after graduation, and he asked me out on my brother's birthday, so I suppose it's a bit of a theme. ::laughs::
Anyway, today was entertaining. I am currently sitting here with a bundle of culinary plunder: I was part of a tiny volunteer group from choir to help run the dessert part of an event put on to help us pay for our international trip. Basically, a bunch of faculty members got together and sang all sorts of Broadway stuff, and of the money charged to get in and have some of the wonderful food that people made for the occasion, part goes to our trip fund. Since I helped for a couple of hours, I got to take some of the leftovers home.
So I got a piece of cherry cheesecake, a piece of chocolate coffee cheesecake (that one's for Lily), a chocolate chip cookie, some chocolate-covered banana chips (I've never really liked banana chips until tonight), two wedges of baklava (which I'm not sure I've ever had; I like it, though it has too many nuts), and three slices of rum cake (no wisecracks: the alcohol's burned off), one regular, two orange-flavored. And earlier I managed to swipe, before they ran out, a single Peruvian mango tart, which was tiny and delicate and delicious.
::laughs:: Thus end the lovey and the foodie portions of this narrative. I skeeved out of homework all day, horrid child that I am, so will now go and read some stuff for honors and then, if nothing else happens, go to bed. Tomorrow: church, cinnamon-roll baking with Lily, research for linguistics.
-Laurel
What is it with holidays equaling marathon conversations? Last time we had a conversation that long while I was here at school, it was Halloween night; the last three-hour one at all was at Lily's house, just after Christmas, when he was in Troy and the computer there was working; I also recall a New Year's Eve day one, a little shorter...not to mention the long one we had my first night here...
'Course, it started getting serious between us the day after graduation, and he asked me out on my brother's birthday, so I suppose it's a bit of a theme. ::laughs::
Anyway, today was entertaining. I am currently sitting here with a bundle of culinary plunder: I was part of a tiny volunteer group from choir to help run the dessert part of an event put on to help us pay for our international trip. Basically, a bunch of faculty members got together and sang all sorts of Broadway stuff, and of the money charged to get in and have some of the wonderful food that people made for the occasion, part goes to our trip fund. Since I helped for a couple of hours, I got to take some of the leftovers home.
So I got a piece of cherry cheesecake, a piece of chocolate coffee cheesecake (that one's for Lily), a chocolate chip cookie, some chocolate-covered banana chips (I've never really liked banana chips until tonight), two wedges of baklava (which I'm not sure I've ever had; I like it, though it has too many nuts), and three slices of rum cake (no wisecracks: the alcohol's burned off), one regular, two orange-flavored. And earlier I managed to swipe, before they ran out, a single Peruvian mango tart, which was tiny and delicate and delicious.
::laughs:: Thus end the lovey and the foodie portions of this narrative. I skeeved out of homework all day, horrid child that I am, so will now go and read some stuff for honors and then, if nothing else happens, go to bed. Tomorrow: church, cinnamon-roll baking with Lily, research for linguistics.
-Laurel
2.13.2004
Mawwiage...mawwiage is what bwings us togethew...today...
Today was pretty fun, at least after 3:30.
I'd been tired and messed up all week--class to food to sleep, without much else going on, feeling screwed-up and exhausted and weird--until last night, and it's wreaked a bit of havoc on my classes, linguistics especially. Bad enough that I haven't done any Am-Lit reading all week, but we spent most of that time going over stuff I mostly knew, so I could fake it. Acting I actually did some work today, and hadn't needed to before then. Honors...is a wreck, but I've got until Monday, so I'm not in trouble yet.
Linguistics, on the other hand...was a hard enough class to begin with, and then I skipped out Tuesday 'cause I felt sick, and it went downhill from there. And I need to give myself more time to do the homework than fifteen minutes before class, 'cause there're times when that just doesn't work. In Spanish and English I can get away with that. With linguistics, no, no, no.
Upshot being as follows: already behind on homework and running out of time this afternoon, I finally skipped out again, spent the entire hour doing backwork for the class, then dropped it off in my professor's office with a note, apologizing for the situation and promising on Monday the one semi-assignment (necessary thing, but not for credit) I'm still missing. So I will do that tomorrow or Sunday. 'Cause it was due four days ago. And I will do my honors. And I will read my stuff for Am-Lit. And I should set up a lunch time with Yung-Mei and ask Luanne for a tape of my part for the Jeff Ryan pieces, 'cause that's gonna be the easiest way to learn them, at this point.
::sighs:: In addition, of course, to attending the APO pledge ceremony for Jess and Cassandra, helping out with the choir thing, and maybe watching some Whose Line with some dateless APO friends of mine, 'cause I did say I would.
And all that in addition to finally, hopefully getting a decent amount of sleep. 'Cause I still suck at that.
But anyway, after that linguistical nonsense, I went and helped with mock-marriages for APO, which was often cute and often hysterical (Chris married his wintergreen Altoids and his choir copy of "Dirait-on"--and John, Libby, and Dave all got married to each other). I was ring-bearer(ess?), giving out cheap metal bands.
Helped set up for choir, went to dinner, came back--and Glenn had sent me a message via the text function on his phone. I got all excited, 'cause we've been trying to figure out the text thing for a while now, and this's the first time it's worked.
Ended up going to see Love Actually, playing at the campus theater. Tom, who is pining after Cassandra and who was bored, asked if I wanted to come ('cause it beat going by himself, I imagine), so we went. I think I liked it rather better than he did. Like, I am prudy, but he is more so. So not his kind of movie. Maybe I'm just desensitized. Whichever. I thought the way they did it was really cool, with the switching and intertwining of plots. Though I agree with Tom in that there was a lot that wasn't, ehm, quite necessary.
But dude, it took me like half the movie to remember that Alan Rickman was playing the one boss-guy. I knew I knew that voice from somewhere--but I never recognize him when he isn't in wizard robes. ::giggles::
And now I'm back here, eating Pop-Secret Kettle Corn and trying to decide between water and Juicy Juice. :)
Happy Valentine's Day, all!
-Laurel
I'd been tired and messed up all week--class to food to sleep, without much else going on, feeling screwed-up and exhausted and weird--until last night, and it's wreaked a bit of havoc on my classes, linguistics especially. Bad enough that I haven't done any Am-Lit reading all week, but we spent most of that time going over stuff I mostly knew, so I could fake it. Acting I actually did some work today, and hadn't needed to before then. Honors...is a wreck, but I've got until Monday, so I'm not in trouble yet.
Linguistics, on the other hand...was a hard enough class to begin with, and then I skipped out Tuesday 'cause I felt sick, and it went downhill from there. And I need to give myself more time to do the homework than fifteen minutes before class, 'cause there're times when that just doesn't work. In Spanish and English I can get away with that. With linguistics, no, no, no.
Upshot being as follows: already behind on homework and running out of time this afternoon, I finally skipped out again, spent the entire hour doing backwork for the class, then dropped it off in my professor's office with a note, apologizing for the situation and promising on Monday the one semi-assignment (necessary thing, but not for credit) I'm still missing. So I will do that tomorrow or Sunday. 'Cause it was due four days ago. And I will do my honors. And I will read my stuff for Am-Lit. And I should set up a lunch time with Yung-Mei and ask Luanne for a tape of my part for the Jeff Ryan pieces, 'cause that's gonna be the easiest way to learn them, at this point.
::sighs:: In addition, of course, to attending the APO pledge ceremony for Jess and Cassandra, helping out with the choir thing, and maybe watching some Whose Line with some dateless APO friends of mine, 'cause I did say I would.
And all that in addition to finally, hopefully getting a decent amount of sleep. 'Cause I still suck at that.
But anyway, after that linguistical nonsense, I went and helped with mock-marriages for APO, which was often cute and often hysterical (Chris married his wintergreen Altoids and his choir copy of "Dirait-on"--and John, Libby, and Dave all got married to each other). I was ring-bearer(ess?), giving out cheap metal bands.
Helped set up for choir, went to dinner, came back--and Glenn had sent me a message via the text function on his phone. I got all excited, 'cause we've been trying to figure out the text thing for a while now, and this's the first time it's worked.
Ended up going to see Love Actually, playing at the campus theater. Tom, who is pining after Cassandra and who was bored, asked if I wanted to come ('cause it beat going by himself, I imagine), so we went. I think I liked it rather better than he did. Like, I am prudy, but he is more so. So not his kind of movie. Maybe I'm just desensitized. Whichever. I thought the way they did it was really cool, with the switching and intertwining of plots. Though I agree with Tom in that there was a lot that wasn't, ehm, quite necessary.
But dude, it took me like half the movie to remember that Alan Rickman was playing the one boss-guy. I knew I knew that voice from somewhere--but I never recognize him when he isn't in wizard robes. ::giggles::
And now I'm back here, eating Pop-Secret Kettle Corn and trying to decide between water and Juicy Juice. :)
Happy Valentine's Day, all!
-Laurel
2.09.2004
APO'd!
Tonight was pinning for we brothers-to-be of APO. That was fun. Turns out that APO has a major affiliation with the Boy Scouts, and like practically every guy friend I have, plus Glenn, either was or is in them, so that makes me feel all cool. Evan and Chris and Kim and I were pinned together--Cassandra and Jen are the other ones, but they had swimming practice; they will be pinned on Thursday.
...I don't really know Kim that well; she's the transfer student we took to dinner at semester's beginning. She's very quiet, but nice. And she can juggle torches. ::blinks:: ::grins:: I haven't seen that yet, but I imagine I will eventually.
And our school has a Harry Potter club now, not just appreciation for the books, but pro-literacy. I'm not in it, especially as honors is the same night, but I am amused that John took the sorting quiz and got into Slytherin. It is perfect: he's bent on taking over the world as it is. Lily's a Ravenclaw: not exactly what she wanted, but fitting enough.
I am still tired from the weekend. I said that yesterday.
-Laurel
...I don't really know Kim that well; she's the transfer student we took to dinner at semester's beginning. She's very quiet, but nice. And she can juggle torches. ::blinks:: ::grins:: I haven't seen that yet, but I imagine I will eventually.
And our school has a Harry Potter club now, not just appreciation for the books, but pro-literacy. I'm not in it, especially as honors is the same night, but I am amused that John took the sorting quiz and got into Slytherin. It is perfect: he's bent on taking over the world as it is. Lily's a Ravenclaw: not exactly what she wanted, but fitting enough.
I am still tired from the weekend. I said that yesterday.
-Laurel
2.08.2004
Caloric weekend!
I am still tired from this weekend.
On Friday, after classes, Lily and Devin and John and I did indeed go home...to my home, that is. It was an, ehm, entertaining ride home, inasmuch as it was crowded, my back window was obscured by rivulets of water, and we arrived in the restaurant district during rush hour on a Friday night, but we got to Pita Pit in one piece each and feasted. Chicken caesar pitas with bacon are actually not all that healthy (it's the bacon), but oh, was it ever good. Went to Krispy Kreme after, got the free samples, bought some doughnuts, hurrah.
Came home and set up shop, played some DDR and stuff, went down to the coffee shops looking for chocolate croissants. Got myself in trouble by accidentally turning the car off while it was still in drive, then calling my dad when I couldn't get it to start again. To him, this proves every warning he's ever given me about how having people in the car will distract me, and when I tried to argue this, I got the bug-eyed look that means I'm in for it, and I was, but whatever: he was satisfied with letting me off with the unreasonable threat of taking my car away altogether, having me buy him a milkshake as long as he was there, and then leaving us alone.
My mom simply laughed and said that it's her side of the family: a couple years ago she left the car running for five hours once, and neither she nor her four passengers so much as noticed until afterwards. This is the parent I have who has perspective. So yay for her.
We stayed up late playing Scene-It? and talking. Saturday was pizza and garbage plates and Erik and Glenn seeing Devin and John. For Glenn, it was first-time meeting. For Erik, it was a chance at a huge mock-battle of ego with John. I was waiting for pizza with Glenn during the first part, in which Erik apparently whooped John completely (even according to John), but the trip to Wegmans and arrival home, in which Erik and John had a song-battle about who was the greatest, was epic and hysterical. It was a draw, as all parties agreed. Stay tuned for the next episode.
Oreo milkshakes and more DDR and video games, John chatting up my parents (is there anyone the boy can't charm?), a little bit of sleep...
...and we left at eight so John could be back by ten for a choir thing (I wasn't involved). We stopped at Krispy Kreme again, too, so yeah.
And then I slept for somewhere between five and five-and-a-half hours.
It was really, really nice to be home. And to see my boyfriend. And for John and Glenn to finally be able to put faces to each other, after hearing so much about each other.
I should do some homework. But as Lily and Devin are playing Super Mario World and Evan and Jay are watching, it's probably not going to happen 'til tomorrow morning.
-Laurel
On Friday, after classes, Lily and Devin and John and I did indeed go home...to my home, that is. It was an, ehm, entertaining ride home, inasmuch as it was crowded, my back window was obscured by rivulets of water, and we arrived in the restaurant district during rush hour on a Friday night, but we got to Pita Pit in one piece each and feasted. Chicken caesar pitas with bacon are actually not all that healthy (it's the bacon), but oh, was it ever good. Went to Krispy Kreme after, got the free samples, bought some doughnuts, hurrah.
Came home and set up shop, played some DDR and stuff, went down to the coffee shops looking for chocolate croissants. Got myself in trouble by accidentally turning the car off while it was still in drive, then calling my dad when I couldn't get it to start again. To him, this proves every warning he's ever given me about how having people in the car will distract me, and when I tried to argue this, I got the bug-eyed look that means I'm in for it, and I was, but whatever: he was satisfied with letting me off with the unreasonable threat of taking my car away altogether, having me buy him a milkshake as long as he was there, and then leaving us alone.
My mom simply laughed and said that it's her side of the family: a couple years ago she left the car running for five hours once, and neither she nor her four passengers so much as noticed until afterwards. This is the parent I have who has perspective. So yay for her.
We stayed up late playing Scene-It? and talking. Saturday was pizza and garbage plates and Erik and Glenn seeing Devin and John. For Glenn, it was first-time meeting. For Erik, it was a chance at a huge mock-battle of ego with John. I was waiting for pizza with Glenn during the first part, in which Erik apparently whooped John completely (even according to John), but the trip to Wegmans and arrival home, in which Erik and John had a song-battle about who was the greatest, was epic and hysterical. It was a draw, as all parties agreed. Stay tuned for the next episode.
Oreo milkshakes and more DDR and video games, John chatting up my parents (is there anyone the boy can't charm?), a little bit of sleep...
...and we left at eight so John could be back by ten for a choir thing (I wasn't involved). We stopped at Krispy Kreme again, too, so yeah.
And then I slept for somewhere between five and five-and-a-half hours.
It was really, really nice to be home. And to see my boyfriend. And for John and Glenn to finally be able to put faces to each other, after hearing so much about each other.
I should do some homework. But as Lily and Devin are playing Super Mario World and Evan and Jay are watching, it's probably not going to happen 'til tomorrow morning.
-Laurel
2.05.2004
Oh, look, an update!
Updating hasn't really crossed my mind that much this week. And what I've said, I've said in my acting journal. Which I am still like three days behind on. But that's okay...
...assuming the snow doesn't freak my dad out enough to cancel the trip, I'm coming home this weekend and bringing Lily, Devin (her boyfriend), and John with me, and Erik and 'Nanda and Glenn and all of us're gonna get together and eat things. Hurrah.
Bible study was cool. I can't believe how slack I've gotten over the past semesters, but this's a step.
And that's all I have to say about all of that.
-Laurel
...assuming the snow doesn't freak my dad out enough to cancel the trip, I'm coming home this weekend and bringing Lily, Devin (her boyfriend), and John with me, and Erik and 'Nanda and Glenn and all of us're gonna get together and eat things. Hurrah.
Bible study was cool. I can't believe how slack I've gotten over the past semesters, but this's a step.
And that's all I have to say about all of that.
-Laurel
2.01.2004
Gray skies're gonna clear up...
Actually located the new church building today and went to service, which was spectacular. Saw Brett and Michael and Tyson again. Brett was on crutches--threw his knee out wrestling. I think I saw Chava briefly, but didn't get to talk to her. ...Whoever the other girls in BASIC are, I wish they'd come too; being the only girl of the college group is a little weird sometimes.
The church is all bright and airy and new-smelling, and there were so many people there today. It was cool.
And it was warmer today, just a little, than it's been. Sunnier, too.
Took a long nap. And the Patriots won (I'm a Bills fan, but it's an AFC thing). And when I got back to my room...
...Glenn had e-mailed.
It has been an all-around spectacular day.
(Genki, incidentally, is Japanese for fine.)
-Laurel
The church is all bright and airy and new-smelling, and there were so many people there today. It was cool.
And it was warmer today, just a little, than it's been. Sunnier, too.
Took a long nap. And the Patriots won (I'm a Bills fan, but it's an AFC thing). And when I got back to my room...
...Glenn had e-mailed.
It has been an all-around spectacular day.
(Genki, incidentally, is Japanese for fine.)
-Laurel
Genuflect
My past 36 hours have involved two services for the same dead boy.
Fernando, who was John's roommate for part of the first semester, died in a car crash in Panama (where he's from) on Christmas Eve. No alcohol was involved, but he and his two passengers were all killed. I think they were hit by a truck, or hit a truck, or something. All young guys. All dead.
I knew him a little--visiting John, he was often there. He'd be watching TV or talking to his friends from home--AIM Talk or something similar; he had a microphone. He'd play music, too--some Spanish, some American--it was always perfectly obvious, even in the little I knew him, that he loved his family and friends more than anything in the world.
We talked a little here and there; he knew at least that I liked and studied Spanish. I believe, however, that the last conversation I had with him was shortly before he moved out--I knocked on the door one day, trying to relay a message to John. I don't remember whether he opened the door or whether I started to just as he got there, but the door went partway open, and Fernando was in a towel, dripping wet. Like the part in VeggieTales's "Hairbrush Song", I was "shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Fernando in a towel", and kind of flinched as I asked whether John was there. I got a quick no and a quicker shutting of the door, and went about my business.
Anyway, I was surprised that it wasn't John that asked me to come to the service yesterday for company, but Tom. ...Tom was Fernando's RA, as he's John's, and that meant that Tom was responsible for disciplining Fernando--which happened, as I understand it, on several occasions. Fernando was a pleasant enough kid, but he tended to disobey the smoking rules--could've been worse, but it was a repeated thing. I think, though Tom doesn't say so, that there's a certain amount of guilt there for being so down on Fernando (he and Krystal, night-clerk for the dorm, would complain to each other)--and it was also that he had to talk to Fernando's parents at the funeral, and I think he was thinking that if he started to lose it, he didn't want that in front of half his residents without somebody else there. Whatever the reason, he asked, which helped me make up my mind to go.
John asked later if I was going, kept telling me the time, so I think he wanted me there, too, but in any case, I cannot think why, 'cause I cried more than either of them. I wasn't like sobbing or anything--not like some of Fernando's friends--but I've always been a little teary that way, and college has made that worse, if anything, I'm even weaker now--John has seen a lot of it, and Lily, and Glenn, and even Evan once. Just--and even here, now, I squeeze my eyes shut as I think about it--the idea of it. That Fernando liked Coldplay's "Clocks" and they had it playing when we came in--the picture montage of his life outside--the way his parents, here from Panama, seemed so happy to know anyone who knew him--the way John sat there holding the hand of Fernando's girlfriend as she broke down, his own face somehow composed as he watched her cry...
(what if it had been Lily or John?)
It was semi-religious, the first service, run by campus interfaith, who pretty much commanded us to be as upbeat as possible--which's really what Fernando would've wanted. So his friends told stories, people who knew him told stories. It was all right. Some were really pretty funny.
We learned about a second service, Catholic mass, at the end. Fernando was Catholic, so his family was going to mass here and asked for anyone to come who wanted to.
...So is John. After the campus service was over, John caught up with me and asked me if I'd ever been to a mass. I said I had, long ago with Zinni (and even longer ago, I think first grade with Sharri, but I hadn't understood it then). I'd forgotten about my cousin Jay's wedding, my Uncle Dick's funeral. I've been to those, too. But in any case, he asked me if I wanted to go with him, which was really, in large part, his way of begging for a ride, as I'm the one with the car. I was going to ask him, in any case, if he wanted one.
So we went. That was different. All the ones I went to, they were around ninth grade. Five years out of Catholic churches, and suddenly I understood a lot of what got said in Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity about rituals, about bending for other forms of faith as they bent for yours...flashed into my mind the part about the human without scruples giving in to the one with them--you would expect to find the 'low' churchman genuflecting and crossing himself lest the weak conscience of his 'high' brother should be moved to irreverance, and the 'high' one refraining from these exercises lest he should betray his 'low' brother into idolatry--as I saw genuflection for the first time in a long time, remembered again what holy water was.
...I did the best I could, in most cases, considering I was rather thrown off guard by all the traditions, especially as free-form as the non-denom church on campus tends to be. I forgot at the time that until about the fifth grade, I used to cross myself too, having picked it up from preschool and from my friend Amanda (Presbyterian, but I guess they do that, too) in the years before I was Christian myself--I could've done that and tended not to, but other than that, I pretty much went with what I could.
I think I understand now why people say Catholicism is too ritualistic. But as John pointed out later, there's an ideal there involved--the idea that all Catholic churches all over the world are doing the same things, the same masses every week, same time, same texts, a harmony thing where you could be at any Catholic church and the idea would be the same.
Which's what annoyed him. By his standards, it was a pretty mediocre mass; the creeds got left out and the altar boy wasn't in any form of uniform (I was surprised to see a basketball t-shirt myself) and there wasn't any organ. It really kind of stopped me short when he said it didn't feel like he'd even been to church at all--'cause in a way, I want to say that's a little disturbing, that faith should be so tied to ritual, so that without the one the other suffers...but in a way, he's right. I didn't get the same feeling either, but that was because I couldn't follow it well and that got in the way. Paradox that we both got mind-blocked a little, but one because it was so loose and one because it wasn't loose enough.
Though, all in all, the service was, in my line of thinking, okay. Far be it from me, in either case, to pick at a church I'll probably never see the inside of again.
So John and I came back to school and talked to 'Nanda and Erik for a bit, and then went with Lily and Devin to dinner. Then I went on the school bowling trip, technically with Krystal and Chris, but John was going to get me on the bus if they didn't. He and Libby and their friends had the lane next to us; we shared ours with Amy and Yumi (remember them, from August? I hardly see them anywhere anymore) and their friend Annie.
And I hung round with Krystal for a bit afterwards, then came back here.
And tomorrow's another church service, 'cause the non-denom I go to here has moved from campus area to a bit down the road (their stay on campus was only temporary, as the roof of their church had fallen in), and I didn't make it to the dedication service last night for the new one, but I intend to get there.
...On sixish hours of sleep. So maybe I'd better get off.
-Laurel
Fernando, who was John's roommate for part of the first semester, died in a car crash in Panama (where he's from) on Christmas Eve. No alcohol was involved, but he and his two passengers were all killed. I think they were hit by a truck, or hit a truck, or something. All young guys. All dead.
I knew him a little--visiting John, he was often there. He'd be watching TV or talking to his friends from home--AIM Talk or something similar; he had a microphone. He'd play music, too--some Spanish, some American--it was always perfectly obvious, even in the little I knew him, that he loved his family and friends more than anything in the world.
We talked a little here and there; he knew at least that I liked and studied Spanish. I believe, however, that the last conversation I had with him was shortly before he moved out--I knocked on the door one day, trying to relay a message to John. I don't remember whether he opened the door or whether I started to just as he got there, but the door went partway open, and Fernando was in a towel, dripping wet. Like the part in VeggieTales's "Hairbrush Song", I was "shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Fernando in a towel", and kind of flinched as I asked whether John was there. I got a quick no and a quicker shutting of the door, and went about my business.
Anyway, I was surprised that it wasn't John that asked me to come to the service yesterday for company, but Tom. ...Tom was Fernando's RA, as he's John's, and that meant that Tom was responsible for disciplining Fernando--which happened, as I understand it, on several occasions. Fernando was a pleasant enough kid, but he tended to disobey the smoking rules--could've been worse, but it was a repeated thing. I think, though Tom doesn't say so, that there's a certain amount of guilt there for being so down on Fernando (he and Krystal, night-clerk for the dorm, would complain to each other)--and it was also that he had to talk to Fernando's parents at the funeral, and I think he was thinking that if he started to lose it, he didn't want that in front of half his residents without somebody else there. Whatever the reason, he asked, which helped me make up my mind to go.
John asked later if I was going, kept telling me the time, so I think he wanted me there, too, but in any case, I cannot think why, 'cause I cried more than either of them. I wasn't like sobbing or anything--not like some of Fernando's friends--but I've always been a little teary that way, and college has made that worse, if anything, I'm even weaker now--John has seen a lot of it, and Lily, and Glenn, and even Evan once. Just--and even here, now, I squeeze my eyes shut as I think about it--the idea of it. That Fernando liked Coldplay's "Clocks" and they had it playing when we came in--the picture montage of his life outside--the way his parents, here from Panama, seemed so happy to know anyone who knew him--the way John sat there holding the hand of Fernando's girlfriend as she broke down, his own face somehow composed as he watched her cry...
(what if it had been Lily or John?)
It was semi-religious, the first service, run by campus interfaith, who pretty much commanded us to be as upbeat as possible--which's really what Fernando would've wanted. So his friends told stories, people who knew him told stories. It was all right. Some were really pretty funny.
We learned about a second service, Catholic mass, at the end. Fernando was Catholic, so his family was going to mass here and asked for anyone to come who wanted to.
...So is John. After the campus service was over, John caught up with me and asked me if I'd ever been to a mass. I said I had, long ago with Zinni (and even longer ago, I think first grade with Sharri, but I hadn't understood it then). I'd forgotten about my cousin Jay's wedding, my Uncle Dick's funeral. I've been to those, too. But in any case, he asked me if I wanted to go with him, which was really, in large part, his way of begging for a ride, as I'm the one with the car. I was going to ask him, in any case, if he wanted one.
So we went. That was different. All the ones I went to, they were around ninth grade. Five years out of Catholic churches, and suddenly I understood a lot of what got said in Screwtape Letters and Mere Christianity about rituals, about bending for other forms of faith as they bent for yours...flashed into my mind the part about the human without scruples giving in to the one with them--you would expect to find the 'low' churchman genuflecting and crossing himself lest the weak conscience of his 'high' brother should be moved to irreverance, and the 'high' one refraining from these exercises lest he should betray his 'low' brother into idolatry--as I saw genuflection for the first time in a long time, remembered again what holy water was.
...I did the best I could, in most cases, considering I was rather thrown off guard by all the traditions, especially as free-form as the non-denom church on campus tends to be. I forgot at the time that until about the fifth grade, I used to cross myself too, having picked it up from preschool and from my friend Amanda (Presbyterian, but I guess they do that, too) in the years before I was Christian myself--I could've done that and tended not to, but other than that, I pretty much went with what I could.
I think I understand now why people say Catholicism is too ritualistic. But as John pointed out later, there's an ideal there involved--the idea that all Catholic churches all over the world are doing the same things, the same masses every week, same time, same texts, a harmony thing where you could be at any Catholic church and the idea would be the same.
Which's what annoyed him. By his standards, it was a pretty mediocre mass; the creeds got left out and the altar boy wasn't in any form of uniform (I was surprised to see a basketball t-shirt myself) and there wasn't any organ. It really kind of stopped me short when he said it didn't feel like he'd even been to church at all--'cause in a way, I want to say that's a little disturbing, that faith should be so tied to ritual, so that without the one the other suffers...but in a way, he's right. I didn't get the same feeling either, but that was because I couldn't follow it well and that got in the way. Paradox that we both got mind-blocked a little, but one because it was so loose and one because it wasn't loose enough.
Though, all in all, the service was, in my line of thinking, okay. Far be it from me, in either case, to pick at a church I'll probably never see the inside of again.
So John and I came back to school and talked to 'Nanda and Erik for a bit, and then went with Lily and Devin to dinner. Then I went on the school bowling trip, technically with Krystal and Chris, but John was going to get me on the bus if they didn't. He and Libby and their friends had the lane next to us; we shared ours with Amy and Yumi (remember them, from August? I hardly see them anywhere anymore) and their friend Annie.
And I hung round with Krystal for a bit afterwards, then came back here.
And tomorrow's another church service, 'cause the non-denom I go to here has moved from campus area to a bit down the road (their stay on campus was only temporary, as the roof of their church had fallen in), and I didn't make it to the dedication service last night for the new one, but I intend to get there.
...On sixish hours of sleep. So maybe I'd better get off.
-Laurel